National Domestic Violence Remembrance Day is not just about remembering lives lost to violence — it’s about asking what kind of community we want to be.
Too often, conversations about domestic violence end with shock, sadness, or statistics. But most people are left wondering: what can I actually do? And the truth is, preventing violence isn’t only the job of police, courts, or crisis services – communities, by which I mean everyday people like you and I, matter.
You don’t need to be an expert to make a difference – check in on people; believe someone if they tell you something feels wrong; learn the signs of coercive control; speak up when disrespectful behaviour is brushed off as “just how they are.” Support local services and community organisations doing the hard work on the ground.
And importantly, stop assuming violence only happens somewhere else.
As someone working in the disability sector, I know violence often thrives where people are made to feel powerless, dependent, or invisible – people with disability experience family and domestic violence at significantly higher rates. Sometimes the abuse isn’t physical — it’s control over money, transport, communication, medication, relationships, or access to support.
We also need to rethink how we view “risk.” Sometimes, in the name of safety, services or carers take away autonomy — restricting choices, limiting independence, or making decisions “for someone’s own good.” But when you remove a person’s power to make decisions about their own life, you make them more vulnerable, not less.
A safer future is one where people are supported to live full, self-directed lives — with dignity, connection, and real choice.
In regional communities especially, silence can be dangerous. People can feel trapped by housing shortages, finances, disability, fear, or simply not wanting to “cause trouble”. A friendly conversation, a safe place to go, or someone willing to listen without judgment can matters more than you realise.
This week, as candlelight vigils are held across Australia, we should absolutely remember those we’ve lost. But we should also remember that ending violence starts long before a crisis. It’s about building communities where respect is the default, inclusion is the norm, and abuse has nowhere to hide. That future is something we create together — through the culture we build every day in our homes, workplaces, schools, sporting clubs, and communities.
And every one of us has a role in that.
Penny Lamaro is a community leader, advocate, and storyteller dedicated to building a more inclusive Northern Tablelands. Penny brings both strategic vision and a deep commitment to amplifying the voices of people left out of decision-making — always with a focus on dignity, agency, and connection.
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